The Witch Who Builds Her Own Ladder

Hey witches,

Happy Valentine’s Day! Long time no write, I know, what happened to my consistency? Sometimes, you have to juggle things. It’s truly where the long term consistency of doing something comes in over just pushing through it—that’s a blog post for another time though. I’ve been feeling bad about neglecting my blog, especially since my last post, but I promise you very much that things have turned and everything’s coming up Milhouse.

Things haven’t fully come to fruition yet, but I feel oriented and powerful (in the act part of the OODA loop if you want to get nerdy about it). I wanted to give a bit of an update but also maybe a followup post to my last one about fighting but still climbing. After, my last post, I’ve been taking some time on myself to rest, along with working on things. Not necessarily working on myself, I’ve done a bulk of that (shoutout to DBT and therapy, that shit really helps long-term); it’s more so trying to figure out where I fit in the world, where I belong.

To give a little background on why I’ve been feeling lost on that. I’m someone who is predominantly Hispanic ethnically and culturally, but I get told I look Eastern European a lot. Like a lot a lot. It usually requires some form of code-switching to show that I’m Mexican-American, it’s not an on-sight thing. As someone who is mixed, especially if they look more like one ethnicity over another, it’s hard to truly find a world you can comfortably take up space in. In both worlds you’re technically supposed to exist in. 

Retroactively, was doing my current reflecting, it was more so about figuring out that; where I fit. I was in the search of that when I was doing my deep dive, and I came across something big. Working on this and hitting the breakthrough I wanted was the most healing thing I could have asked for me emotionally, it’s like the final part of a thousand-piece puzzle you’ve been working on. 

Ultimately, I learned the things that made me different are things that I’ve since learned how to channel. I’ve learned how to filter the noise better to help me continue this ladder. I’m still transforming, and while the process has took up all my bandwidth, I’ve been wanting to update y’all with this, but I thought I’d take the time to do it on my favorite holiday: Valentine’s day.

Valentine’s day is historically a holiday where romantic love is celebrated. It’s not a holiday invented by Hallmark like people believe, but it’s traditionally been very one dimensional on what is celebrated and what isn’t. I love this holiday, but as someone who is a lone wolf, I don’t think romantic love is like an end-all-be-all thing for happiness. To base your whole life on the idealism of being partnered is some bullshit we’ve been sold for centuries. Don’t buy into that faulty logic.

So instead, I’ve turned this holiday around into a self-love holiday. I’ve been celebrating it that way for years. I’m now partnered and my boyfriend has had bad experiences with this holiday (he’s just unlucky in general), but I’ve never let that phase me. I’ve just transformed it into a holiday of self-love for both me and him, that we just go on, together. Like how a relationship journey should be: two people living their own lives but joining together out of want, but not necessity.

So far, it’s been a chill V-day, which is the best I could ask for, I need the rest. It’s raining and that’s helping with the ambiance. I have some things planned for my partner and I this evening, but I wanted to check in. Let you know that it’s truly about continuing to climb, even when you don’t want to. You’ll get to the light at the end of the tunnel. strongly feel that you should celebrate this holiday as a self-love one. We do things as a couple, we’re not doing anything special to celebrate our love, more so ourselves. 

Whether you’re coupled or alone, actually especially if you’re single, take the time to do something for yourself today. It doesn’t have to be crazy, just show yourself the love you deserve. Trust me, the rest will follow with less effort. Say it with me now, “I will not accept a life I do not deserve.” You may not feel like you love yourself the way you should, but those small things are a step in the right direction. They’re the invisible, but strongest rung for your ladder.

Until next time, witches. Take care of yourself and lookout for each other.

Erika

P.S. It doesn’t fit but wanted to touch base about the featured image. To find it just know I googled “creepy 20th century valentine cards,” and came across this article: Weird and Creepy Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards From the Mid-20th Century. Just a little gift from me to y’all.

Take a browse if you have some morbid curiosity, there’s some what the fuck ones and some that are downright dark. I didn’t even choose one the worst one in there.