The Witch Who Builds Her Own Ladder

Hey witches, 

It’s been a minute since I last talked with y’all. January has always felt exhausting to me, filled with the ups and downs that occur after everyone returns to normalcy from the holidays and tries to go back to being themselves; a better version, at that.

I feel like January is like the leftover month of the year. It’s supposed to be the beginning of something new, but it’s after the holidays, things are cold and now the comforts of last month are absent. Broke and starving either emotionally and/or physically from whatever restrictions imposed on you. You can tell I didn’t survive my dry, smoke-free, January—I decided I needed the comfort over self-discipline right now and I have no regrets.

The rejection came in the middle of the month, I went for an opportunity that didn’t pan out. I’m feeling fine about it now, but I definitely wasn’t at the moment. I put myself out for something I didn’t get. Isn’t that one of the deep down fears we all have, that we’re going to try our best to reach our goals and still fail? Isn’t that one of the underlying factors of procrastination?

After further reflection, I don’t feel like this was a setback so much as a pivot. It made me re-evaluate my situation and what I wanted to bring into this year, along with what I would eventually want to take away. It’s hard to trust that the universe has better things in store for you when you feel like history disproves that. It was a reminder that I’m the witch who builds her own ladder, we can’t always wait for things to happen, but we can control how we show up. I will not accept a life I do not deserve. Control how we keep trying and whether it’s worth it too. Fuck waiting for things, you have to keep trying towards your bigger picture.

Keep trying, at the very least for yourself. My spirit is numb, my hands are cold, and yet I know I need to continue building. That’s the only thing that’ll keep me from the elements. I need to keep trying, and you do too.

Until next time, witches. Take care of yourself and lookout for each other.

Erika